You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
