Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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