i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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