I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
