ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
