i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
