Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
