So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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