i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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