are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
