I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
