he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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