Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
