he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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