just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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