He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
