this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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