I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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