Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
