she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
please don't ironically join a cult
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