hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
