Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
