Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
