Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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