Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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