plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
