So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
