He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
