You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
