We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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