Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize