i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
