This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
