I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
