but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
