so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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