We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i now understand why vodka
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
