Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
