You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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