so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
