No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
