you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
