yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
