I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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