SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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