I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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