I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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