So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
