if only i could text you this smell
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
