It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
