Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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